Eye Contact
by sunshot
Summary: For a reason unknown to him, Haji had difficulty maintaining eye contact with people as a child. Yet Saya had never hesitated to look at him. HajixSaya


A/N: I wish I was more a more prolific writer. But I wrote this from a piece of scratch I found in my flash drive. It was a weird story of Haji scaring everyone from looking at him (because let's face it, he's pretty intimidating), so I tried to incorporate that into a little romance. Maybe the story's still weird. Oh well. :)

Enjoy, please review.

* * *

For a reason unknown to him, Haji had difficulty maintaining eye contact with people as a child.

He had been thoroughly ignored by the gypsies. He wasn't too fazed by it because they were harsher than other people. But when he arrived at Joel's chateau, he became more and more alarmed. Whether he was with maids or butlers, sometimes even with Joel or Saya's fencing partner, Haji spoke and they answered kindly but never while really looking at him. They began looking at him more as he grew, because he was suddenly such a dignified young man. But he didn't forget.

Yet Saya had never hesitated to look at him. Whether she was angry or overjoyed, whether he was young or old, she kept a steady gaze with his. He sometimes felt overwhelmed by her penetrating eyes.

Maybe, he once thought to himself, maybe I am incapable of keeping relationships.

And, he'd considered another time, perhaps Saya is the only friend for me.

He'd grown up with this idea and never strayed from it. He didn't talk much to anyone else but Saya. He didn't care about anyone else but Saya. He didn't touch anyone else but Saya.

Because Saya looked at him. She talked to him, cared about him, touched him. He was something to her. He was everything to her.

So when he met her for the first and third time in Okinawa, he was disturbed. She hugged her father. She talked to her brothers. She cared for her friends. And she didn't even know about Haji.

He wanted to wreck something.

"I wonder how Kai and Riku are doing right now," Saya mused, staring straight in front of her. She plucked at a flower bush on the roadside. They had stopped to admire the countryside. Hill upon hill rolled and tumbled, and the long grass beat like waves in the wind. Haji saw the pain in Saya's face as she thought of Okinawa's ocean.

"I'm sure they are fine. They are safe at home," Haji told her, staring at her cheek.

Look at me, he thought. Look at me and remember.

"Yes, but I can't help worrying," Saya sighed, picking off a single full-grown flower. She twirled it listlessly between her fingers.

Seeing her distress, Haji sighed. He was her Chevalier first.

"Let's rest a little and eat," he suggested, setting his cello down on the ground. He opened the case and took out a knapsack, and handed it to Saya.

Saya reached into it and pulled out a large sandwich. Saya smiled and thanked him.

They walked a little deeper into the woods by the road and stopped in a clearing. Haji bade Saya to sit on a tree stump, and he remained standing. She tore off the paper on the sandwich like an animal, like always.

Haji looked up through the tops of the trees. Gradually, he closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

Slowly, he recalled the times before he became Saya's Chevalier. He'd always watched the sky, wondering what was beyond it, thinking about how he could ever know because, next to Saya, he was so young and weak.

But when he'd become a Chevalier, the sky changed. It was no longer unlimited because he was no longer limited. He and the sky were the same. Their lives were long--maybe they'd die someday but that was a long way off. And his gaze could penetrate it. He'd felt closer to Saya. They were both inhuman.

He'd hoped for some time that they could always live together peacefully, perhaps traveling together. He had never considered that Saya would ever need anyone else but him. After all, he never had.

And now that she'd found family and friends in Okinawa, he felt stupid. And lonelier than ever.

Lost in thoughts, Haji sighed loudly. Saya automatically turned to look at him, and he found he was unable to look away. Saya had stopped chewing and stared at him. Stared like she always had before Okinawa and everything. He did not breathe and was very still, looking back at her probingly.

Remember, his mind pleaded. Remember me, Saya.

Saya's eyes widened, then narrowed in concentration. Her eyes still remained on Haji, but it seemed as though she was looking into the distance, beyond Haji and the rest of the world.

But suddenly, she blinked rapidly and turned away. Quietly, she said,

"Sorry, Haji, I was just thinking of something." Clearing her throat, she asked him if anything was wrong.

"No." Haji felt deflated. "No, there is nothing wrong."

She nodded, and continued eating slowly.

It was not often that Haji got violent, but at that moment, he wanted to find a nice little patch of begonias and shred it up with his pointy hand.

It had been so, so close. He was sure that if he could have been in her mind with her and nudged her to the right place, she would have remembered everything about him.

He fell noiselessly against a tree trunk. But he couldn't do that, because it meant nothing if she didn't remember on her own.

He watched her, sliding over every contour of her face with his eyes. She seemed confused and a little frustrated.

And how could he force her to remember what she'd done? He'd seen enough to know how cruel she could become when she was thirsty. Afterwards, when she looked at him, her eyes were wrought with a deep sadness that he'd never understood. He knew she'd felt guilty, but she'd also felt resigned and broken. Like a dog after a beating.

But it was very different now. She smiled widely and often. He could see every emotion running through her eyes more easily than ever. She was radiant with life.

Haji supposed that it was her family in Okinawa who'd done that. Again, loneliness and inadequacy surged through him.

Yes, he mused. If she remembers me, all the grief that she does not have now will return.

"Haji?" Saya crumpled up the brown sandwich paper, looking down.

He snapped out of his reverie and replied.

"Yes?"

"I have a question," she said.

"Yes," Haji replied, attention captured.

"Were we--" Saya hesitated, fingers clasped around the paper ball she'd made.

Haji looked at her, curious and excited.

"Were we married?" Saya blurted.

Haji was silent for a moment. His head fell forward a little, and his jaw worked. Her question was ridiculous and almost ironic, and he found himself struggling not to laugh.

"Well, were we?" Saya asked, a little red.

"What makes you think that?" Haji asked a little breathlessly. He could feel the chuckles convulsing uncontrollably in his stomach.

"Uh," she began, then resumed, stuttering, "I just remembered something. You were in a suit, and I was in a big dress..."

The laughter died in Haji's throat.

"Well--" she swallowed. "I really don't remember the details, like what your face was like or where we were..." She bit her lip. "But I just knew it was you. Because of your cello."

Haji walked to her and sat next to her on the stump. He felt like he knew where this was heading.

"And, I was sitting near you, and you were lying down, and I bent over you..."

"We were never married, Saya," Haji said.

"Huh?"

"I was brought to you to help you," he continued. "We would have been unable to be married."

Married. What would it have been like, to be married to her? Not different, he was sure. They practically were married already, weren't they? Through three generations, they'd been together. And during those generations, he never felt complete without her.

Saya looked confused and thoughtful. Haji put his hand gently on hers. Startled, she looked at him.

"It will come very slowly," Haji said. "Don't rush your memories." Especially not that one, he wanted to add.

Saya blinked and smiled.

"You're right, Haji." He watched her get up and stretch. "Anyways, we should get going. We need to meet Julia-san and David-san back at the hotel."

---

"Haji, I'm sorry."

Haji took a shuddering breath and pulled out Solomon's weapons from his body. Saya winced.

"I am here to protect you," he said dully.

Of course, he couldn't. He couldn't protect her from the inevitable onslaught of memories. He couldn't protect her from unhappiness. He couldn't do anything.

Every generation, every time she woke up, he had to see her fall again into sadness, back into hopelessness. And at this Zoo, he'd seen the beginning of her fall. He could never stop it.

Haji leaned against a tree, breathing hard. This Zoo. It was where he'd met Saya and first became her Chevalier. But it was also the place that Diva had escaped from, where all the chasing nonsense had begun.

Saya always wanted to come back here, every single time she woke up. He understood that she wanted to know about herself. But he hated coming here.

"Haji?" She was quiet. "Do you remember that day we were taking a walk? And I remembered something?"

Walk?

"And I asked you whether we had been married before?" Saya pressed.

Oh, that walk.

"Yes, I remember," he nodded.

"I didn't think we were married because of...that," she said.

Haji listened silently.

"I know you can kiss anyone without being married."

"Yes."

"But, it really felt like we were back then."

Haji gazed at her.

Saya's eyes became clouded.

"Because I felt sad," she whispered, "And it felt like a part of me was ripping away."

She turned to him, her eyes full of the sadness Haji failed to erase every time.

"You were dying, Haji." She put her hand to her chest "I thought I might die because you were dying."

Haji put his hand on her cheek and stroked it gently.

Please, don't cry, he thought.

"I did it, didn't I, Haji?" Saya said softly. Two small tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. "I hurt you, like I hurt all those other people. It was my fault, wasn't it? You never told me how you almost died." Her voice quivered almost hysterically. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me anything? Why didn't you tell me what I was? Why--"

Saya slumped into Haji's chest as he pulled her into as tight an embrace as he could. Her sobs were muffled in his shoulder as he stroked her hair and back consolingly.

This was always coming. Her guilt, her despair. He never could stop it.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"I'm sorry, Saya." What else could he say. "I'm sorry."

"You hate me, Haji, don't you?" she murmured into his coat. "You must hate me for what I did to you."

Shocked, Haji pulled her back, and said fiercely,

"No! Saya, don't ever say that, don't ever think that, I could never hate you."

Saya stared at him with awe. He relaxed his hold on his shoulders and looked down.

"I never regret what happened," he said. "I'm always glad that I almost died because that's how I became your Chevalier."

I don't care if I'm worthless or if I can't make you happy like your family in Okinawa, his mind declared. I just want to be with you.

Saya looked at him quietly. Her eyes bore into his. He stared back, reveling in the moment. She was looking at him, looking like she always had. He wanted this to last forever.

Her face suddenly loomed closer. Haji knew it was coming the second before it happened. Her lips touched his, and he found that he couldn't keep the gaze. Slowly, he let his eyes close. As she leaned into him, he felt like he was dipped in fire.

No matter how many mouth-to-mouth blood transfers they had, he never got used to the feeling of her lips.

That was right. He couldn't make her happy as her family had. But maybe, one day when Diva and the Red Shield were gone, he and Saya and her family could live together. And he could make her happy.

But, what about the promise?

Saya leaned back and smiled at him. His heart leapt with joy.

To hell with the promise. He was going to make her happy.


End file.
